The Truth is​.​.​. I Don't Know

by David Waingarten

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1.
03:11
tell me where you wanna meet test the ice beneath our feet pull the string and start the tear would you meet me at the bottom of the a-train stairs like a step before the ground i am straining to be found like the one to which i pray you said yes, but you said it from so far away instead of the wait too long give me a night or two i want to be seen without a continent between
2.
what would you think of if i said to clear your mind? could you purge yourself of time and go deep into the well where the clock strikes none empty parking lots in jerusalem what would you burn if you could set it all on fire? touch a match to the wire digging in the thing that you have become looking in the mirror for the perfect one measuring only complicates my mind want to be your lover for a long, long time but i'm only holding today and it's moment to moment and then all of a sudden you can't bear your cross so you hand it to a friend who pushes out the nails in your open hands leaves you holding on to the promised land [chorus] take no refuge in what you know oh little candle, let it go you can stop and become one with the flame and there's no ash and there's no dust when you just open up your trust you can burn until only light remains and i'm looking at the photographs in my photo album and imagining comfort they don't bring so far in the feeling that i can't step back living like the laughter in a photograph
3.
02:55
have you ever been in your mind satisfied? have you ever know a thought to calm you down inside? have you ever known anything you thought was true? if you held it to the light could you see straight through? have you ever been anyplace you felt was home? if I called you from the porch would you keep me on the phone?
4.
i can be you and you can be me if you give me the authority running into fields of green i see you in a silent dream cause i am wide awake to the gift and i am lying down in the way the girl that i love is from ohio she's from ohio i see her in a soft dress see her bending time see her through the laundry lines so step into my head light a match and that's all i'm breaking even feeling grace somewhere in middle america i have seen god breezing by underneath a toll booth sky oil drum is rusting in my place of origin i want to release myself into the day cause i am wide awake to the gift and i am lying down in the way so step into my head light a fire, i said i'm willing to break the law i'm breaking even feeling grace somewhere in middle america
5.
02:20
pulling on the picture to fit you in the frame where i'm alone when you first got on my tongue i didn't know i was looking for so long until the light burned out didn't know the sun was out in the light i'd rather be walking now take me where i'm going letting go is giving thanks weakness is protecting strengths my offer is for breaking or for burning but when you light the match for me and show me something i can't see the lock begins to laugh into its turning struggling to make some sense blacking out the evidence i push back on what i feel expanding but when i need a place to stand you offer me an open hand and teach me heaven's in the landing
6.
03:52
one hand’s on my heart and the other starts to load a gun when you're out of breath helps to know what you're running from valuing the world then hunting for a bargain practicing my aim and praying for the target so take it from one who has suffered at needless hands the world's worthy of your praise more than your demands chewing on my teeth and waiting for my turn again lost in looking out for a way to see back in so give yourself to me soft like gravity caught between ideas of what you brought me here to do is it me or is it you? take this soul straight to the river show me the place and i’ll dive in take this voice reference and echo bring it back where you begin cause i'm almost free of taking the freeway no roads left to where i live held like breath torn from the runway show me what i have to give when i’m lost light the way by showing me the death that you’re offering treating love like the money that i'm counting won't ever hold this holy mountain
7.
03:18
i can't believe what i want to receive growing in faith day by day breaking the bones of all that i have known to push myself out of the way drop all control and you swallow me whole feeling my skin in the light as i lay down the things i've done so long carefully one at a time so i hang and say let go me today from where i am not where i'm going when i get to you through these knots and glue can you untie and wash me over? and so i make space for this replacement letting the light hit my fear for i have faith that as i empty pieces of you will appear
8.
03:44
I have a god who helps me see and when I ask him he walks on me like a bridge that goes away soon as I want him to stay I have a god who soothes my mind and she tells me to be more kind to myself this very day give myself the love I crave and in between my mind and me I have forgotten where to be until I stop and quiet down and I feel my god around and I feel like I can hear for the first time and I feel like I am here for the first time and I have seen the water rise all the way up in my eyes and I suffer when I can till I reach up my right hand feel the ceiling suddenly a presence on all sides of me and I feel like I can cry for the first time and I feel like I can laugh for the first time
9.
standing on a river stone just above the roaring foam i don't know where this river runs or how or when it's path begun like a candle born to burn devoured in its own nature you and i are points of light born to give each other sight you and i will have to pass through these bodies into grass she'll lose me and i'll lose her this river is inevitable ice on winter windowsills holding hands in hospitals seeing your hand change in mine between our souls we've strung a line cause time has all the time it takes our skin will slack our bones will break whether grassy field or concrete street we'll hold up our children's feet what the mind denies the body knows leaning in to letting go through changing space and changing time between these souls we've strung a line
10.
04:19
been a long way wandering to this room i've found counting subway stops back and forth to puget sound pushing every pore open till i bleed frontier been everywhere to go except for here there's an old, dark room looking for a door there's a bright eyed soldier hungry for more war would you sit a little closer let me share your light? shine it into my outline to the new road that i'm walking on it's a new road that i'm being led on it's a new road that i'm traveling on run away, away to the future volume up, headphones on give me love give me a mirror give me what turns me on photo posted, photo caption adding to my self portrait hungry for the world's reaction comment on my silhouette now you take away the sirens and you call my bluff and you tell me that this moment has to be enough and you burn a path through me leading into you so i know that i'm enough too it's a new road that i'm walking on it's a new road that i'm being led on it's a new road that i'm traveling on
11.
when my hands are trying to hold on to the river they can’t hold the candle of truth i am broken and i’m running for cover would you help me to uncover you? and i ran to an aching angel i said angel, what should i do? she said i know of a few ways around but it’s better to take the way through in the blue light in the blue light there is still a way into you in the blue light all my treasons will lead me to truth
12.
04:34
wind against me clear within me this is where my address ends stop delivering buying liars trade desires collecting and passing go this account is closed wind moves freely clear within me living from what feels like truth don't need any proof always enough when done in love this is what work means to me not economies

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released September 16, 2016

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David Waingarten Portland, Oregon

David plays music to keep himself company. He digs records that sound like they were recorded in bedrooms and basements, and is inspired by the raw intimacy and honesty of Paul Simon, Elliot Smith, Blaze Foley and Gillian Welch. His songs are about healing, living in your car, longing to be found, gratitude, riding subways, finding silence, and stumbling along your path. ... more

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